Dictionary Useless?

Recently, I learnt that the dictionary is not the only way to clearly define words and their meanings. Feelings and experiences can be used too. Weird that it occured to me so late in life but I am sure most life discoveries are made in one’s 20s.
I wronged someone and when they pushed me away, my first reaction was anger. I was fired up about it, “how could they let me go when I needed them most?” I asked myself so many questions and this led to resentment of the person. Must be the worst feeling to resent someone dear to you, or so I thought until the resentment turned to remorse. I hated myself at that time for having caused the events that led to someone pushing me away. I still thought it was the worst.
Then BAM! Came the sorrow! The constant crying and pain. Questions of how I came down this road and tracing my steps back to the beginning of it all. You must be thinking that this is the height of it all but like I was, you are wrong too. There is the King of feelings that crowns it all when you realise what a horrid baby/ being you have been and that is SHAME!
Now you might think that shame and embarrassment are the same but it actually isn’t the case. Shame is the mother of embarrassment and its sisters (or is it an only child?) Anyway, shame is a DEEP feeling that only you know about. The gravity of which only you can understand. No one can say they are ashamed on your behalf. Though consoling, it is never true. Its only when I got to this stage that I understood that the rest had been preparing me for the King. Reality hit me and I understood what I had done and why I had been pushed away. All the feelings that came before were wiped because shame does that. I does not co-exist. Yes, it occupies that much space! All this time I looked up the word in the dictionary and I had never truly understood what it meant until I FELT it!

Music as Therapy!

Music is always there to comfort me, get me thinking and all. I channel my feelings into it and it has worked for me perfectly. I always look for a song that relates most to what I am going through and I loop it till I get tired of it. No wonder songs take me back to certain points in my life.
Right now, I am listening to What we ain’t got by Home Free because well I want what I don’t have right now. Quite straight forward, right? Well first day I listened to it, I channelled my sadness into it. I cried my eyes out to it and in it I found solace that I hadn’t had that day. Its a beautiful acappella by the way.
Well I am much better now. How do I know? I have looped it again and I haven’t cried my eyes out. In fact, I am enjoying the song for its beauty and singing along too πŸ™‚
Music really is therapy! A kind that I will always run with whenever I am going through tough times πŸ™‚