“Momma, I’m making it!” (A hair story)

I am SO EXCITED! I can finally hold my hair with one band. Anyone with natural hair can tell you this is a milestone and how exciting it is. I am making it out of the TWA stage and to celebrate, I’m going to talk a little about my hair.

I cannot say I am one of the most dedicated people when it comes to my hair (my mum has seen this first hand) but I have tried to this time. I have stopped myself from getting irritated by the thick, nappy, frizzy mess it is and I am PROUD OF MYSELF! Natural hair is high maintenance and it’s the reason I was hooked on the creamy crack before. My hair was always someone else’s problem. I realised though at that time, when you let someone else take care of hair, they never have the sympathy you’d have for your scalp. Plaiting my hair was always something I dreaded because it hurt like hell, no one seemed to listen to my cries of pain, a lady once told me I was just being a baby. Although I loved the laziness (it’s fun), I had to take matters in my own hands. And while I really want to say I single handedly did it all on my own, I have to give credit where it’s due. I have tried so many products and I have zeroed down to a few staples, three actually that I will never let go of.

These babies, plus Marley braids, have been the best, through the co-washes, the detangling, the hard days, the moisture loss, protective styling, even the heat damage.

Got to end here, I have much more to learn, I’m not done with the growth yet. Next stage, hair falling on shoulders effortlessly (this one could take 2years but we keep on keeping on) 😊

To Natural hair love 🍾🍷

Here We Go Again!

I was 17 when we met, young and fresh, just learning the world. Sweep me off my feet he did. I constantly ran out of breath! So much, only Jordin understood me. I had that halo around him but it did disappear into oblivion. I met him again 9 months later and fall in love we did. It was beautiful! Something didn’t know existed. Unlike before, I was his queen. I loved him with no restraint maybe that’s why when it all ended my heart saw the darkness. I was older and wiser, or so I thought… Life had another story for me to tell! The next ride was on a rollercoaster. Fun ride! He made me laugh, the banter was on point! He called me his coffee girl and I felt special, I can’t lie, but the one downside he had, he was seasonal. I get why November rain always takes me to him. I call him “my one that got away” but it’s more of a “my patience ran out” thing. I had memories with him, and that’s all that mattered. Devastation wasn’t for me at the time. I was ready to start enjoying myself. The free spirited girl I wanted to be started coming out. I didn’t care much about anything then, steady wine was my anthem. I took the time to “do me”, build my friendships and put myself out there. The world was my oyster and I wasn’t going to waste it. It’s with this mentality that I talked to him, “so beautiful” was the theme and dang! It did feel that way. I broke my walls to accommodate him and it was beautiful while it lasted. He outgrew me and I didn’t want to accept it. I was in denial but I eventually had to let go. You know that quote, the one that says that holding on when you should let go damages you more? I experienced it first hand and it led me to my next chapter. The therapy! That is when I looked him up. I needed a friend and he was nearest. We danced to nobody has to know until I started falling. I didn’t tell him though because I didn’t want a title. I was filled with thoughts, “I’m not ready to give him my all, I don’t want to be unfair to him. I know what the other side is like too.” So I keep him at bay, it’s safer that way. I would choose him in a heartbeat though, he knows me and I could trust him with my life but we are friends and I’d love to keep it that way. I keep wondering whether he’s the one who will have a name for me or if it will be another. Whether he’ll make me open that door and say, “here we go again!” I don’t know, I’m living my life, not waiting. This isn’t everything I am 😊

Unapologetically Me

Last weekend I was talking to someone about how the concept of putting others and thinking of them before yourself is a failed one. All the way to the surface from it’s core. My reason, given in an example, was that; you cannot fully care for a sick person when you aren’t fine yourself, you aren’t making them better, you are just transferring your sickness slowly to them. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not mean don’t care about your loved ones. I’m not giving reasons for you to go to dumbass central where you can use it as an excuse to be douchey, no. All I am saying is if you do not feel your best, take a step back and care for yourself first. You just cannot give what you don’t have (it applies to material things and the intangibles too!) I have somewhat veered off the point but i had to get some of that out there, back to being unapologetically me.

Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need other’s approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her” – Lao Tzu

I’ve been singing one phrase for the past few months and it has brought me further than I can imagine… “Be YOU fam!” I picked it up from ThatDudeMcfly (a youtuber, you should check him out btw) when I was doing the self affirmation part of my therapy. I remember asking myself how three short words, said in 2 seconds, could sum up everything so neatly. I was in awe because this is what I had been looking for, something to remind me of myself at all times. One phrase, made me realise, being the original version of you takes a lot of weight away. You don’t have to be the best. It’s a process but be original and the comfort, self confidence, self love will all fall in place. I accept I am shy or as those close to me know, a seasonal extrovert. I am comfortable with it and if anyone says I should be more outgoing, I now tell them to take their issues out of my corner. It’s that simple! I don’t have to please you at my expense. I’m no longer that insecure teenager who pretended to be who she wasn’t to get accepted. I also allow that I do not have to know everything, I’m not an encyclopaedia, I can say I don’t know and not feel stupid (I’m not giving anyone that power over me.) It doesn’t stop me from learning new things everyday, it makes me realise how much more I need to learn. I can now tell people I don’t like them without having to think of how they’ll take it since it’s pretty easy to “lead” someone on unintentionally and we over think things these days (it’s become a cultural thing.) I can enjoy myself and not regret it because I had fun and that’s all that matters (Snapchat has become my video diary of sorts for those crazy times.) The best part though is, I can tell people, including friends and family, I don’t want to talk and not feel obligated to explain myself. Some times I just don’t feel conversational and I’m comfortable with it. Of course this doesn’t absolve me of responsibility for my actions towards my family and friends but it has helped me change the reasons for taking that responsibility. I don’t have to prove myself to others, that is the base line. That quote by Lao Tzu says it all. The results of being unapologetically me 😊