Here We Go Again!

I was 17 when we met, young and fresh, just learning the world. Sweep me off my feet he did. I constantly ran out of breath! So much, only Jordin understood me. I had that halo around him but it did disappear into oblivion. I met him again 9 months later and fall in love we did. It was beautiful! Something didn’t know existed. Unlike before, I was his queen. I loved him with no restraint maybe that’s why when it all ended my heart saw the darkness. I was older and wiser, or so I thought… Life had another story for me to tell! The next ride was on a rollercoaster. Fun ride! He made me laugh, the banter was on point! He called me his coffee girl and I felt special, I can’t lie, but the one downside he had, he was seasonal. I get why November rain always takes me to him. I call him “my one that got away” but it’s more of a “my patience ran out” thing. I had memories with him, and that’s all that mattered. Devastation wasn’t for me at the time. I was ready to start enjoying myself. The free spirited girl I wanted to be started coming out. I didn’t care much about anything then, steady wine was my anthem. I took the time to “do me”, build my friendships and put myself out there. The world was my oyster and I wasn’t going to waste it. It’s with this mentality that I talked to him, “so beautiful” was the theme and dang! It did feel that way. I broke my walls to accommodate him and it was beautiful while it lasted. He outgrew me and I didn’t want to accept it. I was in denial but I eventually had to let go. You know that quote, the one that says that holding on when you should let go damages you more? I experienced it first hand and it led me to my next chapter. The therapy! That is when I looked him up. I needed a friend and he was nearest. We danced to nobody has to know until I started falling. I didn’t tell him though because I didn’t want a title. I was filled with thoughts, “I’m not ready to give him my all, I don’t want to be unfair to him. I know what the other side is like too.” So I keep him at bay, it’s safer that way. I would choose him in a heartbeat though, he knows me and I could trust him with my life but we are friends and I’d love to keep it that way. I keep wondering whether he’s the one who will have a name for me or if it will be another. Whether he’ll make me open that door and say, “here we go again!” I don’t know, I’m living my life, not waiting. This isn’t everything I am 😊

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s