Life as an HSP

Aka a Highly sensitive person: someone who feels everything greatly regardless of who is going through it. Empathetic to an annoying degree actually. We feel emotions we don’t understand, we think too much and we are called too deep. So, we hide it. Okay, let me not generalise here,  hide my sensitivity. Been doing it all my life and I hate it! See it’s a simple reason why. I don’t want to be described as that weepy girl/woman/female etc. I wish I could express my emotions freely though. No, let’s put it this way, I wish I could cry whenever I feel like it. I’m tired of keeping my tears in till I reach my bed. I know I don’t have to (shut up if you’re going to say “why don’t you just do it”did Nike patent that phrase? I can see the sneer) but I have to and you know it. We’ve been conditioned to keep our tears for when the upsetting factor is visible. I mean, it makes you uncomfortable watching someone cry, doesn’t it? I know it does. I’ve cried shamelessly on the tube before and the uncomfortable stares were uncomfortable. The irony! *Insert eyeroll emoji* Now had I had a broken arm or heel, it would have made sense but let’s not get into that story, it’s a long one and no one’s got time for that. What was my point? I lost it along the way. Yes,  how hard I have it as an HSP. 

  • I have to claim I don’t like things that make me emotional because the only way my eyes can know who is BOSS is by denying them the chance to embarrass me. Like romcoms, I love chick flicks, yes, the cheesy ones where people profess their love in parks with an audience and kiss in the rain like we all don’t know how uncomfortable wet clothes are. The ones where every couple realises how strong their love is at a wedding (is this a real thing? Because I like it.) Dumb storylines but they get me teary eyed EVERY TIME! I can’t watch them with others though, I don’t want to be laughed at. I also don’t want to hear the “it’s just a script” line. Listen, I know it is, but I feel the story, let me be, Jeez!
  • I have to explain some decisions I make because they are not as obvious as they seem to me. Things like why I don’t go to hospitals. It’s going to sound mad but when I see a person in pain, I feel like I’m going through it too. Trust me, it’s a real feeling. Many of you find a bleeding wound disgusting, I don’t, I feel like it’s me with it and I think of it for a long time. I don’t choose to, it happens. For that reason, I’ll stay away until I can’t get out of it anymore. Maybe my heart will be stronger then. Shout out to hospital staff though, you guys are the real superheroes.
  • I cannot sleep or move on if I have unsettled beef of the day pending. I don’t have to really care about you or want to keep you in my life but I have to settle it. Now don’t get me wrong, settling beef doesn’t mean fight or talk it out, no. I can do it by myself. Alone with a paper and pen, an angry song that relates to the subject on repeat, a movie, anything really as long as it takes my anger away. Talking about it makes me cry and as I said before, that’s for when the reason can be seen. No one has the energy to be sad and have to explain why with a PowerPoint presentation. I’ve come to the realisation that writing it out works and tearing or burning the paper up ups the ante. That’s why I find it hard to keep grudges. I’ve put it out somewhere, why dwell on it? So I guess that’s a plus for me.
  • I attach memories to everything, songs, movies, poems… as long as it was there with something that happened, it’s attached. I have stopped listening to some of my favourite songs because something I didn’t like happened and I transferred the memory to it. It kills me, but I can’t stop it. Although, on the plus side, it’s how I know I have moved on from events. If I cry to a song, I let it rest for sometime and when I listen to it later, it lets me know where my feelings are. I’ve gotten over some of my biggest break ups that way. And let’s be honest here, no one can hate their favourite songs forever. They are shelved and unshelved constantly (I can’t be the only one that does that😊)

Got to leave this here. I just realised that being an HSP is actually awesome minus the occasional “being someone else.” Yes, I started this out of frustration. Trying to explain why I come off as emotionally aloof to some but I’m sure everyone uses humour (I’m funny sometimes) and “meanness” to keep their emotions in check. Again, I can’t be alone on this boat. Everyone should embrace their inner sensitivity. Those of us that can’t help it want you to. That way, the world will be a better place, and maybe Trump wouldn’t be President 🤔🤣