47: Humanity still has it’s beauty

Today I woke up at 6:30 am to a call from my dad, asking me whether I had seen the news on the fire in London. My first thought was, “Huh?! What is he talking about?” After our conversation ended, I went to my first news source, Twitter, to see what was going on. I didn’t expect the sight my eyes met with. A fire so large engulfing Grenfell Tower that it deserved the inferno from hell description it got. I read the accounts from the survivors, witnesses and everyone that was at the scene at the time. I read about how the tenants had warned their landlord about the hazard that was the building. I am not here to point fingers but to cut the long story short, it was enough for me to say that a lot of negligence went on. It has been a dark day, watching the horror being fought by the fire brigade, people frantically looking for their loved ones. It is all heartbreaking.

With all this darkness however, there is always a silver lining. Something that makes you think we, as humans, are not as savage as we are played out to be. The response from everyone, making donations both at the refuge centres and online, offering their homes to the now destitute tenants. They have lost everything and people have come up in all ways they can to provide for them. It’s been a beautiful sight today. Humanity still has its beauty tucked under all the filth we manage to see everyday on the news (there’s almost no positivity broadcasted these days!) As much help is needed, not just today, but until the victims of the fire are rehoused and they pick up with their lives. So I am sharing a few go fund me pages I have seen on my time line so far. Every little helps.

Grenfell Tower Fire Fund by Charmaine Hayden

Marvin Abbey Grenfell Tower Fund

These two are the ones that have made it to my time line so far. Started by two people who have decided to take the initiative they want to see around them. It’s a beautiful one, support them where you can.

May the souls of the departed Rest in Peace and may all the ones affected otherwise by the fire be comforted and continue to receive the love they have been shown today.


46: I Drew A Blank

I don’t know why, it just happened. It happened last week. I had a lot to say, and I drew a blank. Trying to recollect my mind in my notes now. Nothing much for me to say yet. The mind is sometimes it’s own entity. When it runs to a halt, you let it be. I learned early not to force anything. Take the break when you need it. Always do, it’s self care. You have got to take the initiative yourself. No one is going to be there to tell you to take care of yourself or better still, make you do it. No one! Unless your being unwell costs them a lot. And even then, they’d rather let you go than bother with you. Sounds tough but that is the world we’re in.

I drew a blank, and I am taking the time off to fix it because I care about me first 😊

Here is a picture of a canal somewhere in Uxbridge for you to enjoy. See the swan? It’s beautiful, isn’t it 😊

45: Drew Barrymore

The song by SZA, not the actress. My first listen of CTRL, SZA’s new album and this song is already on replay. Track number 4! I haven’t gone through the whole list to 14 yet, but I’ve decided in my heart of hearts that this one is where I’m camping for now. See, it’s gotten me in my feelings. Deep! Much further than I want to go on this Friday night. A night where scrolling the timeline is dangerous for my thoughts. I was better off bingeing a series till bedtime.

See SZA sings about the insecurities and questions I have often asked myself whenever I fall in love, have a crush or generally have someone I’m interested in. Am I warm enough? Am I too clingy? Am I in love, interested, or just lonely? All these harsh questions but without asking if the other person is worth it all. It’s amazing what I have put myself through for love. 

I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth
We get so lonely, we pretend that this works
I’m so ashamed of myself think I need therapy-y-y-y
I’m sorry I’m not more attractive
I’m sorry I’m not more ladylike
I’m sorry I don’t shave my legs at night
I’m sorry I’m not your baby mama
I’m sorry you got karma comin’ to you
Collect and soak in it right

Second verse is my favourite 😊 I have nothing more to say, more like I lost my train of thought. Just listen to the album.

44: Mindless Ramblings

It’s mindless and it’s rambling. Take that in. It’s what happens when you’re tired of thinking but your mind refuses to shut down. A lot has happened this week and we are just in the first full week of June. The world seems to be going crazy. It’s mad I tell you! Mad! This is when I pull my hair out. I love it more than proving a point though. That level of whiteness doesn’t exist in any bone in my body.

My mind goes to many places, some dark, others light. I learnt though, to let it be. I cannot halt my mind. It runs wherever, whenever it wants to. All I have to do is not dwell on where it goes. Fuck the journeys. As in really, fuck them. My life continues despite the madness, right?! RIGHT?! At least I am expected to do so. It’s the reason I write anyway (know the George Orwell book? Read it! It’s somewhere in my Kindle library. Don’t doubt me)

43: Born A Crime and the Beauty of Motherhood

The book cover

I accidentally posted this entry with just a title. Forgive me, I’ve been slacking. The world’s events have been pretty intense. I have so much to say, I wish I could bring it out in one post but it’s all confusion. My mind is in a state of sorts.

I finished this book a week ago and I loved it. Trust me it is going to get a 2nd, 3rd and 4th read sometime in this my lifetime. Add the audio book to that. I was told it’s much better than just reading the book. You can imagine how glad I am I read it. To think I wasn’t going to until I joined @atozbookclub on Twitter. A brain child of Azryah Harvey which she introduces in her AtoZBookClub blog post. You can join it too. It’s all online and the books are discussed every month. Just at C, you’re not late. It’s a nice way to keep your reading culture going. At least it’s helping me. I had taken a lazy break from finishing books before then.

Born A Crime is an interesting book. A good read to be exact. Its filled with stories of  Trevor Noah’s childhood and how he got to the adult he is now. He paints the gruesome picture of Apartheid and it’s effects in South Africa (You actually get to see it from the view of someone who was a part of it and not a part of it at the same time.) It sounded better in my head. I don’t have another way to describe it unfortunately. You have to read the book to understand what I mean. When you take the Trevor’s position and see the story through his eyes, you see it all.

What strikes me most about the book though, is his mother, Patricia Noah is a force to recon with. A resilient woman who had and raised a child in a country where his conception was a crime. Not that I want to live in such a ridiculous place, but the way she handled it is something everyone aspiring to be raise a child some day should look forward to doing. Patricia raised her son to see no limitations ahead of him.

As modestly as we lived at home, I never felt poor because our lives were so rich with experience.

A direct quote from the book. She took him places, always his guide when he needed her. They were a team. That is something I want to give my children. I want to show them that wherever they are in the world, they are not stopped by anything. That everything starts in their minds. Patricia Noah didn’t have much money but she drove Trevor to places and taught him to use his mind to get out there. Through out the book, you see him using this technique. The resources might not be with you at the time but your mind will lead you to them if you use it.

“Because,” she would say, “even if he never leaves the ghetto, he will know that the ghetto is not the world. If that is all I accomplish, I’ve done enough.”

I am not going to spell doom for them. We are currently living in a world where doom and gloom is very easy to find. On the internet, in the news, on your TV, mobile phone, everywhere! Basically, you’re a superhero when you manage to ignore it. This is what I am going to teach them. Be a hero for yourself first. I’m going off course here.Take it from me though, Trevor Noah’s mother, Patricia Noah, has a lot of lessons to teach in being a strong woman, mother and overall human being despite your weaknesses.

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

– Thomas A. Edison

42: Mathematics and Life

I just Googled the definition of Mathematics (of course it will seem random to you that I just did, but let me explain!) I’ve been on a reflection journey of sorts for the past few weeks. Looking at where my life is heading in the next few years and more maybe. Paying attention to politics and thinking of how I should react to whatever the outcome of the election on 8th June is. The life changing decisions are many. Including moving to another country altogether. I am young with not much responsibility, I can afford to do it now.

So Mathematics, as defined by the dictionary is; the abstract science of number, quantity, and space, either as abstract concepts (pure mathematics), or as applied to other disciplines such as physics and engineering (applied mathematics.) It isn’t a foreign concept to me but I have never really sat myself down to think of how important it is in my life. I only pay attention to it when I am counting money anyway. Just like most of us do. But since I decided to take it much more seriously, I have slowly started using it to calculate my chances and direction in life. I use it to make decisions. About my time, money, everything. I calculate how realistic it is to take a job depending on the time I take to get to it, the money I spend on my journey, the money I am to be paid, and how tired I will be when I get home. If the total amount of money I am paid in the end doesn’t make sense, then I will stay away from it. It’s one of the beauties with working with an agency.

Mathematics is a beautiful thing. I wonder why I never thought of it before. No wonder the TBBT guys go crazy over it. I get it now.

Day 41: The Body

I should start making massage money. Lord, HELP ME! My body is being an issue to me. I am tired, I feel like a zombie! Yet I have been working fully for only 2 weeks now. It should hurry up and get used to this life.

Waking up early everyday, sitting through the rush hour jam… How do you people do it? How? Adulthood is a huge scam! Bigger than the insurance one! Trust me. I didn’t sign up for this. Time fucked me up you know! It flew and I grew up.

Going to bed early, have to be in time for work. I need to get my coin. It’s a struggle getting up but I’m grateful I have life and that I’m not working on Saturday 😊