I have been away for a while and like the title says, I have been all about the healing process. Not that much has happened in my life. Let’s be honest, it’s basically been a work-home routine. Sometimes life gets at you and you forget the extras that add sprinkles to it. It’s not the reason I have taken time off to heal though. I have just been drained emotionally for a while.
Since election time, to be precise, I had decided to go against all my promises to myself and engage in the media fully. I couldn’t afford to be ignorant at at a time like this. My Constitution said I had to know. We all have to. What I had didn’t take into account was why I weaned myself off the news in the first place by at least 80%. It takes a lot of energy from me!
For the past 6 years, I have been taking in only the main points in the news. No details, no emotional drain. Actually, I read the little strips at the bottom of the screen whenever the anchors are talking (their rehearsed voices are noise to me.) It has been my way of life and it has worked perfectly for me. As an empath, it is what I can manage. I seek out emotional energy naturally. I see joy, sadness and pain and I take it on like it’s my own. This is why the news messes up my system. It is also the reason why I stay away from hospitals and avoid all eye contact if I have to be in one. I read more than I want to see in faces and voices around me so I have to control what I take in to stay emotionally balanced.
These past weeks have had a lot of pain and suffering in the news. Not to say that it is more than ever, but because I have been indulging in more of it every day, to me it is more magnified. My worry, anxiety and anger have escalated. Sometimes to boiling point but because I lack ways ways to describe it, it’s come out in tears (also the easiest form of expression for me.) The situation got so bad that I haven’t slept properly in a while. That, coupled with the heat, has had me sleeping for about 4 hrs and less every night. I’ve basically been living on coke and coffee for the days I’ve been working (thank God there’s an endless supply of both at work or I would have been in crippling debt.)
With all that going on, I’ve been slowly burning out and not replenishing my reserves. Last good break I got was an hour sitting buy the river watching the water. It was calming but I need more. So starting next weekend, I’m going to chill for a bit. I still have work lined up for the next 5 or so days, I cannot run away yet. I need to flush my system, spend time with my classical music, zoned out and enjoying the world on mute! I can’t lie, most people are so loud! Especially on Twitter but that’s a story for another day. I’m getting me some healing 😊