50: Prayer & Listening to your gut

“We pray to God for what we want but sometimes we are too pig-headed to listen to what He is trying to tell us.” – Victor Nambago (aka my uncle)

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Ever prayed for something and heard your heard tell you another? An example is when you are in a tough situation, let’s say a relationship, you pray for it to be fixed but God or the Universe is telling you to pray for yourself to heal after the whole ordeal has ended. It happens to me A LOT! Now I am not a very spiritual person. I cannot even say I am that prayerful either. In fact sometimes when things are looking mad for me and I decide to pray to God, I feel guilty asking for help. Simply because I don’t feel I am faithful enough to be rewarded. I have a complicated relationship with spirituality but that’s a story for another day.

The story that inspired this post is short but it is going to sound really weird to some who read it. Just last week, my mother called me to tell me that an aunt of mine, who had fought and won the battle against breast cancer last year, had been hospitalised again. The cancer had spread further into her body and hadn’t been noticed the first time. The instructions to me were to PRAY! And I did, I honestly did. Over the weekend though, whenever I prayed for her to recover, my conscience would change it to a prayer for her to rest in peace. Now as someone that chose (quite recently) to always listen to her intuition, I was bothered! I kept asking myself why I was fighting to pray for the right thing. Of course no one wants to lose their loved one. I was not getting the answer I was looking for. Until today, when I woke up to the news that my aunt had lost the battle. It was baffling that I wasn’t shocked. Of course I was devastated that a family member has left us but it didn’t hit me as hard as I expected. It’s until I shared my thoughts with my uncle that he cleared it up for me.

So what’s the moral of the story? Your intuition, God and the Universe all tell us different things all the time but our “all knowing” brains never listen. We think logic is everything and when stuff we cannot explain or work out happens, we are shocked. Most times in the deepest parts of our guts we know the truth. Don’t ignore your gut.

RIP Auntie, till we meet again on the other side.

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