Day 39: Listen

/ˈlΙͺs(Ι™)n/ : To give one’s attention to a sound. I’m sure you know the definition. But lately, I realised that few of us do anymore. We are good at pretending we are. Like my dad says, we hear through one ear and what’s been said flies out through the other. There’s a short back story to my inspiration for this post.

After a year of using them, my earphones died on Sunday. I was in TK Maxx, doing some shopping (you know it’s therapy), listening to one of my favourite podcasts 3ShotsofTequila and … a sudden silence from my left earphone. Although irritated, I didn’t complain. I couldn’t! Because for earphones that cost me less than Β£13, I had gotten more than full use out of them. The value for money probably ended at 6 months so I’m grateful. Since I was in TK Maxx, I decided to get a cheap option to keep me going till I replace my old faithfuls. When I am listening to more podcasts than music, the sound output is the least of my worries. They’ve been okay so far but I can tell the difference. For Β£5, I cannot expect better. All I need is some barrier between me and the world as I am out there and I am getting some of it. Their shittiness only struck me a few hours ago when I decided to wind my day with some Hans Zimmer (for those that do not know who he is, listen to movie scores, he’s one of the most celebrated composers.) There’s nothing worse sounding though than Classical music coming through lousy earphones. Yes, it’s worse than blending forks.

So yeah, it hit me when I was listening to another favourite, actually it’s number one on my list now, DMD Podcast. Like a tonne of bricks, that so much information is out there for us but we barely use it to our advantage. Maybe we do not want to exert ourselves, we are too comfortable, I don’t know. All I know is there is a lot of ignorance floating around. I don’t know everything! Don’t quote me even, but I have had many a conversation with people that are holding their phones in their hands all the time, have access to the internet, and they still cannot use google to enlighten themselves. Like Skribz said, (I’m paraphrasing here), few want to be students. The fact that the words “I don’t know, can you enlighten me” or “show me where I can find that information” don’t really exist in our heads anymore is disturbing. This is where politicians win. They know the wider public, the one that can force them into change, is okay with being spoon fed information. Whether it is wrong or right, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is has the agenda been pushed?

My dad always made sure we discussed politics and history when I was younger. Whenever I asked him for help with my homework, I got more than I asked for. I was a child then, I found it long of course! Now though, I see and appreciate what he was doing. I remember we had news books (part of the homework) in which we wrote a summary of what struck us most as we read the newspapers. While most of my classmates got away with copy and paste,my old man wanted me to write everything in my own words. He always took the time to explain to me what I did not understand. As time went on, I started discussing with him over coffee or tea. I vividly remember my first cup of coffee. I was 11 (loved the experience but that’s a story for another day.) These discussions are definitely part of what led me to Law school. I was determined to work with the UN or the ICC, be a Judge or something. Till I realised the fuckery that goes on in all these institutions. The laws are made but politics gets in and messes it all up. It does more damage than when you pour juice into a laptop. It’s happened to me before, I had a coursework deadline to beat, it wasn’t pretty!

See when the law is made, everyone is expected to follow it. It should work that way. At least in an ideal world. What is ignored, and I’m sure it’s on purpose, is the fact that one CANNOT follow a law they DO NOT KNOW! It’s no surprise either that a phrase like “Ignorance of the law excuses no one” exists. And it is said proudly by the way. Those that know the law, usually the same that make it, do not give a shit if you don’t know. Politicians and other people in power banking on the ignorance of the masses is something I noticed when I was in Uganda. I was 12. We were studying Civics at the time. Talking about Human Rights and Duties. I remember my dad bringing the up the duty of the State to the Citizen. All they taught us at the time was the duty of the Citizen to the State (of course!) You have to know that when you reach a certain age, you’ll pay the Gov’t a part of your wages whether you like it or not. It’s a given. The government doesn’t want you to really know the other side. It’s cheeky that way. So when my dad brought up the other side, I knew I could not forget it. Something that isn’t as emphasised but is important usually stays in your head.

Ignorance is not bliss. It just reduces your outrage and makes you complacent and easily accepting of anything as long as it is packaged well. Best example of how this works out, is in the rural areas of Uganda (what am I saying, in the urban areas too.) These people are living in absolute poverty. They lack things like medical care, they have some of the highest infant mortality rates, but because they do not see themselves as tax payers, they have no outrage over how fucked the government is. All the President (been the same for 31 years now) and his counterparts have to do, is give them handouts. A little money, about Β£1 equivalent and a t-shirt, a kilo of sugar, and they’re voted again. All the broken promises of the past 5 years are forgotten. It instantly becomes a case of the man cares about us. Another vicious 5 years begins and the cycle continues. If you told these people that for every little sugar, oil, soap, paraffin for the lamps, that they buy, some goes to the government, maybe they would care about the poor services that are available to them.

Fucked up thing is, it is the same damn thing everywhere else in the world. The first world too (no one should lie to you that it’s different.) All that makes it seem better is the fact that the first world has had a longer time juggling this democracy thing so the lies are just more refined. They use numbers and statistics, the media pushes it down your throat for them. This is why we need to listen and eliminate the ignorance. We are given 10% of the information directly or less. We have to get the other 90% ourselves. It might seem hard but take a few minutes off snapping and google something useful. Get into an argument with someone who has different views from yours, don’t make it a nuclear war though, you’re just people, not countries. It works. It is how I made up my mind in the 2015 election and the Brexit one too. I had only been here a few months for the first and a year for the second. I definitely had little to no information on what to vote for. Enlightening myself worked. For the former I wasn’t even sure I cared, I actually didn’t but I know numbers matter. One is too little but if we all put in what we could (walking to the polling station and ticking that candidate) we would see the change, rock the boat with time maybe even have a whole revolution. I’m tired of talking to people who are all about the it won’t make a difference story line.

You DON’T know! You NEVER know! It is all about doing your part for your future.

I’ve talked too much today. 2 hours into my bedtime, but I had to say whatever I have said. Could have said more but I will not tell my manager I was late because I stayed up writing. Till the next entry.

Day 7: Hurry!

For what though? What is this that I am supposed to hurry for? What is so big that I cannot take my time to get to it? WHAT?!

I’m living in a fast paced world. Everything is done fast. Everyone seems to be in some sort of hurry. Even when they’re going to chill. It makes little sense to me. So little! I’m overwhelmed to be honest.

So I’ve decided to slow down. It’s been a while since I did. I need it! You probably do too. I have slowed down almost to a halt. Taking each day as it comes. Living it to the fullest. Even when it’s just a couch day. All that matters is being in the moment. Disconnecting from the world and living in that time. The peace is unrivalled.

Ever had a conversation with someone where you just listen? You keep quiet, let them talk, and say what’s on their chest? You don’t have to reply, you’re just there to listen. You have? Now have you ever paid attention to the feeling you get after they’ve talked? If you care about this person enough, it’s always a sense of fulfillment. The fact that you’ve been there for them when they wanted to talk. I love it. 


I close my eyes and get lost in my own world. 

The sun rays gently caressing my skin. 

They make me smile. 

I think about different things, my life, where I am from, where I’m going. The things that keep me grateful and thankful for the life I have. 

I may not be where I want to be but I’m working on things slowly. Taking my time whenever I can.

Some are in my mind, some on paper. Some have even materialised into the physical realm. 

I cannot complain, I cannot be bitter. I can only be thankful for the journey I’m on.

Does this make sense?

It does to me, and that’s all that matters in this day and time. πŸ™ŒπŸΎ

Day 4: Not A Child Anymore

No one will take care of you if you don’t do it yourself.

I know that, you should know it too. It’s a fact! After being taken care of by my parents for a whole 23 years of my life, it’s a fact I learnt the hard way. Going to the doctor alone and having to tell whatever is wrong with me without my mum by my side or having her call in first was one of the hardest. Yes, she was there for my trips to the doctor till I was 23, don’t laugh, I hate hospitals and clinics. But I’ve learnt, and I’m good at it now. 

Yesterday I had to call HMRC because I was being taxed too much. After the call, it hit me. No one cares about you if you don’t speak up. I’m sure if I hadn’t called I would have continued through the year without a clue. No wonder the extroverts of the world always get what they want. They know the key. Always say something, speak your peace and you will get ahead. I’m just learning to do that. It’s a process. Caring about “what they will think of me” has become the least of my worries. I call to ask, complain, make noise if I have to since some people pretend not to get your point even when you’re speaking the same language. Move wrong to me, I shout you out. The pinnacle for me though, will be when I send back a shitty meal or coffee in a restaurant (GOALS πŸ™ŒπŸΎ) We still say that?

Anyway, I see the world differently now. I know why activists exist. I know why they call out everything they don’t agree with. I know they don’t have to (insert eye roll GiF) but we all know that you let something slip once, the perpetrator will take advantage of the situation (side eye the Tories). You can’t let anyone stomp on you and your space. You have to draw the line, let them know that “thou shalt not cross.” 

You’re not a child anymore!” my mother said to me 2 years ago. I’m grown now, I think

Take Care πŸ€—

Day 1

Kids! Why are people fascinated with them?

Is it seeing cute babies that makes us want them, is it society, is it just a part of us as humans? What is it really? I don’t get it.

Today a colleague asked me if I wanted kids and all I could say was “not soon.” To be honest, having children is one of the last things on my mind. It’s been so for as long as I can remember. I’ve never imagined myself a parent. An aunt, yes, but not a mother. I’m a firm believer in having kids around for a moment and returning them to their parents at the end of the day. I love the thought of being the cool Aunt Marion or something like that.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t met someone who’s DNA I’d like to see joined with mine to make another being. I don’t know. What I know though is that every time someone has talked about me having children, I have shut down the conversation with a “not now” and changed the topic. Explains why I am a firm advocate for planned pregnancy and all the aspects of it including abortion.

I believe that if you are not ready for a child and you get careless one time (we all make mistakes) you have the right to get rid of it. Better than bringing the child into the world. Being obligated to parent when you’re not going to give it the utmost love and care. It’s unfair to both you and the child. And don’t tell me the love grows during the pregnancy or just after birth. We all know that’s not guaranteed.

Anyway, that’s my 2 cents for the day.

Peace ✌🏾

An Ode to a Little Girl I Once Knew

For only a year but it felt like I’d known you longer, always bubbly and ready to tell a story just like another little girl I once knew. You made friends quickly like she, lighting up faces of all those that were around you. Like her, entertainment was your thing too, always dancing and singing like you were being paid to. You’re the reason I still have Cheerleader on my phone, it reminds me of you. I remember learning the lyrics involuntarily because it was your favourite at the time. You even knew the choreography in the video. Your love for Little Mix made me think of her love for Spice Girls. You were both girly, making sure you had only the prettiest things around you. Maybe it was a way to mirror the beauty of your souls, I don’t know. I’m sure though, that it was a way to have you etched in the hearts of those that knew you. No one forgets beauty and you had it in its purest form; LOVE. I know you’re getting and giving it in abundance, as you dance in heaven with the Angels. It’s been a year since the Lord called you, six in her case, but what comforts me the most is you are both in a place that mirrors your charm. One day, we’ll meet again but for now, I hold you close to my heart like the little girl that went before you πŸ’•β€οΈ.


20160206_222422We all start our years with resolutions and by February most of us have dropped them or to simply put it, we have gone back to our routines. The funny thing is, we remember them a few months down the road and we only get back to them if they directly affect our routine. I have done the whole resolution thing and it did not go pretty well. Of course, I did exactly what I say above. This year though, I decided to make one resolution; get out of the house more and maximise my experiences!

It is just the second month, it is still very cold. Having been raised in a tropical country, I really hate it! That shouldn’t be an excuse really, seeing as UK is cold most of the year. So scarves and jackets have been taken out, boots and thermals too. Am I going to fight the cold? Yes! I am out, guns blazing and all (I have grenades too 😝 I mean, I am writing this on a bus from Oxford, that should say something, right?)

The first experience was just a week into the year, watching The Hateful Eight on my birthday. Very cold evening but it is Quentin Tarantino, who misses such a man’s work? Who? Point me in their direction. The three hours were worth it, the cold not so much. I was glad I masturdated that night and I enjoyed every bit of it. (I’ve heard watching a movie alone isn’t everyone’s cuppa) I am all up for it though. I even switch my phone off if I really love the movie. So when my mum said it was a boring way for a young person to spend their birthday, I didn’t care, I was happy and that is all that mattered.

Fast forward to this month, things are getting bigger for me. I just went to a concert (the Game is a great entertainer by the way) I have a Surface Design Show to grace my presence with and a lot more I do not know of yet. I am very optimistic about it all.  They say you find happiness through experiences *if no one says, I say it then* and I am out to get more of those on my belt this year. It is all about me anyway, so why not?

PS: This Post is sh*t

Yes, the new year has come in (it’s still new, right? Number 2 is always at the beginning) and it has brought with it new hopes and fears, new targets and goals, new plans and flames too maybe (you can’t know yet πŸ˜‰) but one thing I am totally excited about is the fact that we get to have another beginning. It’s a big thing for me. This time my new year did not wait for the last one to end. I am very optimistic now, I keep singing Fantasia’s When I See You (where is she btw?) Getting a new crush gives a 100% excitement boost and I just got my one a few weeks ago *totally jumping like an excited puppy right now* I completely relate to her lyrics. Anyway, back to the basic point, I am pretty excited for the year and what it has for me. First month went well… Slowly waiting on the rest…