On Valentine’s Day and Other Things

Dear future husband,

For reasons unknown to me right now, I’ve decided to write this letter to you on the 13th day of the 2nd month of the 2nd year of Cardi, 14th or so of Rihanna and about the 20th of Beyonce. I mention them because I want to, not much reason to that. The crazy part though, is that I don’t know you, can’t picture who you are or even point out on a map where for the life of me I will find you. But it’s the day before Valentine’s and I’m just hoping when you read this, you’ll say, “that’s cute!” and smile maybe (fingers crossed.)

As I mentioned before, the “official day of love” is tomorrow and in all my stubbornness I can proudly say I have never celebrated it willingly. I hope you haven’t either. Why? I am a fan of things uniquely catered to individual experiences. I’ve been called a snob for it but I like it that way. So between the two of us, we’ll have celebrations like the day we met, the day we became official and the lot. They’ll mean more to us. There’ll be less unnecessary worldly pressure and all I’ll need really is to spend that time with you. I’m a lousy gift giver so I won’t expect you to be good at it either (if you are good, I’m not complaining, I promise)

Also the day you propose. Getting used to manicured nails so that I’m not caught off guard 🀣

Now as I write this, a few reasons for the letter are coming to me. One of them being the fact that I’m tired of being asked why I haven’t been on a date in 2 years. So this is kind of my explanation for those that keep telling me not to give up on finding you.

First of all, I haven’t given up, I am just working on myself. You must know how hard dating is these days. Sieving through all these people to find you is a lot of work. Just as much as working on me. So I decided, why split my time between two activities when I can pick one and master it? Of course the one I can control won hands down. I didn’t have sleepless nights pondering and it’s working well so far.

In addition to that, I am tired. Tired of having to entertain conversations I’d rather do away with just to seem approachable/ agreeable (I don’t know which word fits best) enough to be dated. Being told I am too picky because I know exactly what I want in you. “Give him a chance,” they say, “being picky will not get you far. Time is running out.” For who though? Funny thing is, I’ve always had a list of what I’d want you to be like. Turning 12 this year, it’s evolved with my age and mindset but a few things have remained constant. Just a few, you shouldn’t be scared. I’m not here to make rules for you to abide by.

I am not in a hurry to find you. Take your time. We will meet when the time is right. Maybe we have met and we both know nothing about it *insert picture of current MCM* The universe knows. So I’m putting this out there, I think that is the right thing to do.

That’s all I have to say for now. I will continue another day when I have more for you.

Your future wife,

Mwanyi 😊

Day 3: Self Care

Do you TAKE CARE of yourself? 

Do you TELL yourself how amazing you are everyday?

Do you WALK AWAY from negativity when it comes your way?

Do you LISTEN to what is happening within you?

Do you FEED your mind and soul everyday?

I do. You should too.

It’s coming to 2 years since I learnt how important self care is. Before that I was in my world full of pretence and people pleasing. I thought I was being nice, I didn’t want to be seen as the “salty girl” everytime. It tapped me out but I only realised it later when I could count the number of friends I had on one hand but I actually talked to everyone. The times I felt alone increased and my emotions seemed ready to burst out every time. I argued whenever someone “came at me” with a different idea (my mum saw the most of this.) I was convinced it was a phase. The phase stayed, year in year out. I just learned to cope with it and It’s only when I changed my surroundings that I realised I wasn’t taking care of myself. That my self esteem was in shambles. I was full of negative energy with no way to let go of it. 

Taking care of yourself, your mind, body and soul includes a lot of things. Not just eating right and doing exercise. That helps but there’s more to it. You read things that build you. I’m always looking for new things to learn. I love being a know-it-all though 😊

Interact healthily (that also means keeping yourself out of dumb arguments on social media) I almost got into one today with someone who doubted the existence of my tribe and mother tongue πŸ™„ (ignorance is bad people!) I have actually made it a point to stay away from the news too. It makes me anxious and infuriates me more each time I watch it. I don’t need that in my life.

Listen, not to only what is being said, but to actions, music and to yourself too. A lot more is said without words and it’s how I have managed to stay sane. Even silence speaks volumes. Maybe it’s why they say it’s deafening.

I have learnt that everything that happens around me isn’t about me. It’s how I have managed to take things less personal. If someone doesn’t answer my calls, I think it’s their problem not mine. I did the calling, what you do after is up to you. It’s a less stressful way to live life. I get to worry about the more important things.

Believing you’ve got the sauce. This began with self affirmation. Each day I faced at my lowest started with kind words to myself. Even when I couldn’t leave my bed I said them, wrote them down. I focused on what I had and managed to reduce the hatred I had raised for me in me. It’s been a while since then but I can comfortably say I love me as a whole, flaws and all.

Self care comes from within you. No one but yourself can give you the care and love you need. So don’t neglect yourself, it’s not an easy road to take.

To self love πŸ₯‚β€οΈπŸ˜Š

You Don’t Have To (A Promise To My Love)

I will worry for you, so you don’t have to
I will be strong for you, so you don’t have to
I will plan for you, so you don’t have to
And I will think for you, so you don’t have to. 

It’s a promise I make in preparation for you, not to make you less of a human but to make you forget the trivial and focus on your greatness.

One I make in preparation for the uncertain future we have ahead of us. Not to make you forever dependent on me but for you to learn to do this for others too. It is the best way to show someone that you truly love them.

It’s a promise in preparation for you as the empathetic person I see you becoming. I’m not making you seem weak in front of your peers but I have learnt that the best way to really understand people is by being empathetic as you listen to their story.

It’s a promise I make in preparation for you as a leader everywhere you go. I’ve realised forcing your will on others is wrong but being with those you lead on that journey they are making the same way I am leading you on yours isn’t.

It’s a promise I make to you in preparation for the day I am not with you because I want you to watch me worry, plan, think and be strong for you. Take my example with you to the next person you meet and change their lives the way I have changed yours. I wish for you to hold their hand and tell them “I got you” because it is what I will constantly tell you. To show them a love that others constantly dream of because you know what love can do and how far it can take you.

That way, I am sure the chain will grow and we’ll have a better world for generations to come.