35: Teams

So the Chelsea Flower show ended on Saturday and now I do know what sportsmen feel like when they’re a part of a team. I liked the team I worked with for the week. They made the days feel much shorter. 

Apart from the fatigue, it was a nice time. I think I struck gold! See when you work with an agency, you never know who you’re going to end up working with. Sometimes you end up with good colleagues and managers, others you end up with dickheads. 

Who you work with, be it for 5hrs or a whole week usually determines your feel for the place. I’ve worked at places where I couldn’t stand the managers within an hour of working with them and I vowed never to go back again. Then there are ones where I’ve worked and I specifically ask to be sent there again. 

With agency it’s always a hit and a miss. A gamble with life and experiences. It’s always worth writing home about though. I cannot take that part away from it. 

Day 34: Give Me Love!

It’s been a while since I gave my heart wholly to someone. Long enough for me to comfortably say I’m okay with being alone (trust me, it is the hardest thing I’ve had to come to terms with!) Just adding to my list of friends and celebrating the love I have already. 

Being a human that is part of a society though, friends and family love is never just enough. I, like others around me, wish for that intimate connection you make with that one person or several depending on where you are in life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for cheating. I’m just saying that maybe, you can have different soulmates at different times. Each one brings a new face to you. A new side you didn’t know you had. The one you stay with the longest of course, is the one that decides to grow with you. Not many can follow through with that all your life. Let’s say about 30 or so years of your life. Depending on your lifespan.

Give me love! Ed Sheeran requested. A plea I understand so well. Something I crave when I sleep without a goodnight call or wake up in the morning and I find no texts from the one I slept thinking of. And to think that is just scratching the surface. 

I hardly dig deeper. I know it’s a lion’s den of some sort. One I have to face. The only one I want to strengthen my procrastination for. I’m contented with where I am because I am hiding from what I know can break me but make me stronger in the process. I’ve come a long way. I have a journey twice as long to make. Its added to with every step I take.

Give me love! This time, I will take it. I will not play with it. I will keep your heart safe if you promise to keep mine as well. Show me that I can trust you to keep it. I know myself, I am ready to do the same.

Day 33:

I’m​ working at Chelsea flower show this week and my feet are on fire! Standing the whole day, for 8hrs (thank God it isn’t more.) Cannot wait for the week to end. Just finished day 2, I have four more to go. I can’t think straight. I’m being lazy too. All my energy is going to work. I’ve got to get that coin you know 😊

I’m out!

PS: Maybe tomorrow I’ll have some thoughts to put down. 

32

I don’t know much of anything but I know some things. The things I feel, the things I talk about. My truths. One way I make up for it though, is through listening to others.

I don’t have a story to tell today, but I’m listening. Currently to episode 16 of The Receipts Podcast it’s heartbreaking and eyeopening at the same time. I believe everyone should listen to it. And keep the tissues near 

31

1 less than the number of letters in my name

The last day of some months,

A number I don’t really care for, but here we are

It’s 31!

What’s our deal with numbers though? What’s so special about quantifying everything? I believe it was started by the early capitalist. His goal was to quantify everything everyone owned and pit them against each other. “Let’s create inequality so that we can control them easier.” Of course it wasn’t yet called capitalism but it was on the way. The numbers were used to create a minority and depending on who controlled what, this group either stood to lose or gain everything. It’s been there for a long time since the feudal system. Now we are in a liberal and free society, or so it seems. The numbers still control our lives. We see wealth and lacking in numbers. We compare ourselves and our value using numbers. We prove our stories and theories using numbers. But, let’s think about it, what was life before numbers? Or before we figured them out? I’m just thinking, wouldn’t it be a better one?

30:

It’s becoming harder for me to write posts on Sunday. I’m usually knackered! The week comes crashing down on me with a vengeance. With that view then, coupled with the fact that Monday comes with more new things, Sunday is my last day of the week not the first.

So post number 30! It’s exciting! I am proud of myself. I’m almost never this committed to things. I lose interest quickly. Not because I lack discipline but I’m going through a stage of confusion. Rediscovering my interests and myself.

What my mind looks like most of the time

I’m confused, I’m growing,

Growth doesn’t stop,

It’s an everyday thing

When you reach your plateau

You think you’re set

But life always has something different for you

A new curve

If it doesn’t show it to you

You look for it.

It’s human to

We cannot complain.

I’m confused, I’m growing.

Day 29: Friends and Food

Writing this in a bar, with my Bacardi and coke just chilling you know. Being grown up and all, waiting for silent disco to begin 😊 First time to something like this and I can’t wait to see what’s in it for me. Today has been interesting. I had book club and lunch in Brixton. I’ve always loved Brixton. A melting pot of so many cultures and people that is hard to get tired of. There’s always something interesting to see there.

My friends and I met up for bookclub and we had a very good discussion. Intelligent conversations are always appreciated. The book was Chimamanda’s We Should All Be Feminists. Like all books I can relate to, it sparked up a fire in me… my analytical and chatty side came out. It shows itself whenever I’m passionate about something. Could have said more, but I’m not here to talk about the book. It’s not the time and I’m not in that space either.

My point today is how fulfilling it is when you meet people that you instantly hit it off with. We don’t talk about it much but it’s one of those things you cannot take for granted. Especially when you consider the fact that you deal with people every day everywhere but there’s always a 90% chance you’ll leave that contact where you’ve found it. Could be work, an event, school, anywhere really. It’s never a guaranteed connection.

That is why I’m glad I met the ladies of Melanin City (that will be for another day.) I met Kissi and Bemnet a month ago and they invited me to take a seat at their table (drink that Solange reference, I love the album.) It was comfortable, I felt at home, like it wasn’t the first time I was meeting them. If anyone had seen how deep I was in conversation, they’d think I’d known them for a while. Anyone that knows me, knows I can be standoffish when I meet new people. I wasn’t this time (and my mum would be proud!) Today I met Charmaine too, she loves breakfast as much as my Lizzie (never thought I would meet another breakfast fan you know!) I will meet the rest as time goes on.

Back to the day (it’s a mix today, allow me.) We fed our minds and stomachs. That’s enough for me to give it an A+. It’s coming to midnight and I am still satisfied by the way.

Plantain can never go WRONG! Do WRONG! You don’t like it? Search yourself πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚

It’s about time to dance off my calories. See ya! 😊

Day 28: Re-discovering Music

Β  Β  Β  Β One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Wilhelm Meister’s Apprenticeship​

I live by these words, the music part though rings truer than the rest.

We all have songs that are our favourites at certain times in our lives. Most when they’re new. I always have the one song on replay for a long time till I get tired of it. It takes me a week or two to get there. Then I care no more.
With the music that is made these days though, I have had to look back at my old faves to fulfill my music needs. There’s not much I have to choose from in the new stuff. For some reason it is trash to me or I don’t understand it, maybe. To me it’s a mess. Most of it anyway.

So to counter this problem, I decided to get into streaming music. Something I was against for a while (subscriptions aren’t my thing.) With this ,naturally, I did my research and made up my mind on Amazon unlimited. Not as popular as Spotify, Apple music, and the rest out there but since I have Prime, it becomes the cheapest for me. Β£2 a month discount comes in handy in the long run.

I have been on a re-discovery trip lately and it’s amazing. All the music I had forgotten about coming back to me, taking me back down memory lane. The funnest part is the singing along. I plug in my little speaker, use it as a microphone, and I sing my heart out. I love singing and dancing like a crazy child. It makes me happier than ever.

It’s long, easy to hold and it is WATERPROOF! What more does a girl need πŸ’ƒπŸΎ

Every day and mood is catered for. I have had my zouk days, hip hop ones, the slow jams, and indie ones. All of them whenever I feel like them. I don’t have to wait to free up money to buy albums (I honestly wonder why I didn’t do the streaming thing sooner.)

Right now I’m listening to Pompi. He’s an intelligent lyricist. He might be Zambian but I understand his music. The Bantu languages all have some similarities and meaning can be deciphered with context. That definitely helps.

My soul is enriched with music 😊

Day 27

I worked on a boat today! 

Yes, I was excited!

The Silver Sturgeon it is called

It was an interesting shift, I can’t lie

Now I have put a cruise on my bucket list

Before it wasn’t,

I didn’t see the interest in floating around on water

As if land isn’t enough!

Today, I get it

It’s an experience!

On the inside

I want to be on it when it’s sunny though. Today it rained the whole way, from ExCeL London to Embankment. When you’re on this island, you’ll always hear people complain about the shit weather. Trust me, it isn’t a lie. That is why we celebrate the sunny days fully. We appreciate them. We don’t take them for granted.

Day 26: 6 hours

Well well well, my mind is in a shambles! Today something happened. It wasn’t big, but it made me say to myself, “I am better than this” and walk away.

Since I quit my last job in December, I’ve been on a mad job hunt. Of course some times I have gotten frustrated and just thrown in the towel. One such time was in March. I woke up one day, read my emails and told my uncle, “You know what? I’m done!” I was on the verge of calling my mum to tell her I’m coming home. What kept me put though was the reminder that I chose to be here and I can stick it out. This is just a hiccup. I just have to go back to the drawing board and start again. 

That’s when I decided to sign up with an agency. Now for those that don’t know how they work, you’re notified whenever they have a job and you go in for it. That means you can control your time and whatever you do. A good system, right? To an extent it is, you barely get taxed and you can get your days off without asking. Problem is, unlike a contract and salaried job, these are zero hour contracts, I call them “The Thing Created by the Devil,” where the jobs are not as frequent and your income flow isn’t constant either. Mainly because you’re as disposable as a paper cup. It’s a thing capitalists came up with to avoid responsibility. See, as an employee, they have to care for you but as an agency worker, you look after yourself. Took me a while to discover that but once I did, I knew I could also limit my care towards them. My motto for time has been putting myself first, and that is not about to change.

Back to today. So my agency sends me to a place to work. I don’t want to spend much on transport (it’s the most expensive thing in London) so I mapped out my journey the day before. I was to get 3 different buses to get where I was going. Crossing from South East to North West isn’t an easy thing when you travel by bus only. It took me 1 hr 45 mins to get there. There in time and when I got to the sign in desk, they told me, I was over booked! OVER BOOKED! And they had no where to put me till 3pm. Why ask agencies for staff you cannot cater for? Keep in mind, it is 12pm now. They then decided to call around and see where to place me. 

When they found a spot, I got changed into the uniform off I was, happy that I hadn’t travelled for nothing. The transport to and fro is never reimbursed by the way so you’re always hoping that your journey is worth it. I get to the area and the manager there sends me back, apparently I was wearing the wrong trousers and shoes. These are the same black trousers I work in everywhere and same black lace up shoes. Worse still, I noticed him cutting my sign on time by a whole 45 minutes. Some places do this so that they pay you less. You’re told to arrive an hour early but they take that hour signing you in and allocating you. The hour, though spent on the premises, with your phone in a bag, already changed into uniform, or in the queue waiting, is not paid. You then wonder why you wake up early to be there on time and lose an hour of sleep and money too. A total lose-lose situation for you. What can you do though, Theresa May says you need to work to get out of poverty! What about the people that cheat us stop doing so? 

I had nothing to do but go back to the sign in desk where I was told of course, to sit and wait again! I did a Netflix survey, deleted emails, replied messages, basically the stuff I do every morning (thank God for smart phones) but I was livid! It’s one thing to leave your bed in the morning and happily go to work. It’s a whole different story though when you get to work and they cannot find something for you to do. I felt like a person they’ve fired, doesn’t get the point, keeps going back to the workplace, and they decide to just ignore him and not give him anything to do. I felt like George Costanza at his Real Estate job. Everyone kept passing by me. The people at the sign in desk were not making any calls anymore to find me an area to work in. I checked the time and it was 1:15pm. At this point I was getting angrier and also where it dawned on me, they were taking a piss. I took off the shirt, folded it and placed it on the chair, changed into my trainers, and off I was.

Today I wasted 6 hours of my life, 

6 hours that I will not get back

6 hours that I did not plan to waste,

6 hours that I could have found something better for

6 hours…

6 whole damn hours!

I wouldn’t have been hurt if I had planned to waste them myself. I usually do something fun when I do. Jeremy Corbyn should win and ban zero hour contracts! I’m tired of being disrespected!